It's an equation.

Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's First Law of Equivalent Exchange.
- (Remove greed, you have more than a theory.)

The scientific laws of thermodynamics draws a similarity to the alchemist law of equivalent exchange. The first law of thermodynamics states that energy can be converted from one form to another but cannot be created or destroyed. This shows the example of how obtaining something, or transmuting something through alchemy, requires material of equal value in order to operate.
- (stop converting good energy into bad... puff, puff, give)

The world isn't perfect, and the law is incomplete. Equivalent Exchange doesn't encompass everything that goes on here. But I still choose to believe in its principle: that all things do come at a price. That there's an ebb, and a flow, a cycle. That the pain we went through did have a reward and that anyone who's determined and perseveres will get something of value in return, even if it's not what they expected.
- (Amen)

This is mostly from an anime series, which I saw a few episodes during the weekend, Full Metal Alchemist.
It's complexly simple. And to me, it's an abstruse certainty.

Bosta;Cinza : Um reply

é uma bosta, sim. e cinza, sim.
e o que é considerado colorido acaba sendo apenas um degrade de cinza. Do quase preto pro quase branco.
é possivel uma foto preto e branco ser bonita sim, mas a primeira coisa que quero fazer é imaginar essa foto com cores e quão melhor seria com as cores que eu imaginasse nela.

é uma bosta, sim. e cinza, sim.
no fundo somos egoístas. cada um quer do seu jeito. e se outro vier e trocar a cor que vc imaginou, estragou a foto. jogamos fora e vamos atrás de outra. as vezes decidimos aceitar a troca da cor, mas eventualmente alguém mostra que na verdade aquela foto é preto branco predominando o cinza.

é uma bosta, sim. e cinza, sim.
as pessoas são cinzas tbm.
e assim como a foto, continuamos a nos enganar ao imaginar cores nas pessoas.
só não esquece que sua foto tbm é cinza. que já foi colorida para muita gente em algum momento.
aceitar o cinza natural das pessoas é muito dificil, qdo imaginamos como poderia ser com cores.

é uma bosta, sim. e cinza, sim.

Closer

- On I-35 south -
22:42 - Falta uma hora pra chegar em casa.
iPod - Ana Carolina & Seu Jorge ao vivo.
eu - sinto que deveria estar, mas não estou, no bagageiro..

- Eu os observo através de silhouetas causadas pelos faróis. -

- Eles conversam, dois meses de conversa atrasados. (A conversa diaria pelo telefone indifere nessa contagem.)
Conversam com palavras, conversam sem palavras.
É nítida: a saudades do tato, a alegria de ouvir a voz sem ruidos eletronicos, a degustação do cheiro único daquela pessoa...o desejo de um pelo outro. -

- Parada, como de costume, Starbucks em Temple.
Um mocha Latte. talvez....já volto e te conto.
...crap! drive thru only...
...1 grande chai tea latte, please...f&^k!...very hot... -

23:21 - Meia hora ainda.

23:35 - Ana Carolina canta Closer's theme song (The Blower's Daughter - Damien Rice) translated to portuguese "É isso aí".
Fecho os olhos e ouço.

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É isso aí
Como a gente achou que ia ser
A vida tão simples é boa
Quase sempre
É isso aí
Os passos vão pelas ruas
Ninguém reparou na lua
A vida sempre continua

Eu não sei parar de te olhar
Eu não sei parar de te olhar
Não vou parar de te olhar
Eu não me canso de olhar
Não sei parar
De te olhar

É isso aí
Há quem acredite em milagres
Há quem cometa maldades
Há quem não saiba dizer a verdade

É isso aí
Um vendedor de flores
Ensinar seus filhos a escolher seus amores

Eu não sei parar de te olhar
Não sei parar de te olhar
Não vou parar de te olhar
Eu não me canso de olhar
Não vou parar de te olhar

- ao abrir os olhos, continuo te vendo ao meu lado, sinto sua mão acariciando minha nuca, sinto seus lábios, sinto seu cheiro, sinto tudo outra vez. -

- Um carro. Um flash. Um piscar, eu volto a realidade. Vejo silhouetas novamente... -

- Fecho-os novamente e deixo a musica em repeat até o final da viagem. -

The day begins

I woke with a chill, the wall was sending cold winds towards me. Forgot to set the air conditioner back to automatic, again.
The controller tells me it's 5 o'clock, as I turn the auto button on.
Back in bed...Can't sleep. How long have I been awake? 10 minutes, says the controller...
Another ten minutes...
Uncover my head, the suns coming up. 5:33, says the controler...
Might as well get up, shave, long hot shower, good healthy slowly prepared breakfast - couple of hours before I leave for work anyways.
Thirsty, dry mouth - water - ah, nice.
Tea kettle on stove ready to be heated. Very low, long shower today.
Warm water on new fresh clean skin, running down the back, front, sides. Finding it's way between ripples, meeting and separating at will...Just a little longer...
Wrinkled hands lead the towel to a tie around the waste.
Refreshing rinse removes the paste. A refreshing spray (that's what the can says). And a quick splash of Passion, a gift.
Safely, I observe the sky crying, angry, with screaming lights...
A true reality show with infiltrating sorrow.
I open my window. Hot winds from outside, cold air from inside - a turmoil occurs.
Little drop on the left toe. The right one, again the left. A salty taste as the drops cross my lips.
The whistle to the factory blows, louder, louder, louder, louder, louder.
Back to routine, Chamomile tea, a calm beginning. A little sugar to fight the salt.
Dry lips. Still salty, more sugar. Wash lips. Still salty.
Sit in bed, wait for the rain to stop. It doesn't. The salty rain drops don't stop. Just keep falling on the toes.
A ray of light. Still a litle sobbing. A crack opens in the sky, the sun.
Face washed, no more salt. Sweet calm tea.
The day begins.

"..."

I have the desire to write, I have so much to tell, share, give (I'd sell them if I could. rs).
What I do not have?, the will to do so...None, zero, nada, zip.
I've been waiting for the moment: My comeback!
Telling vivid tails with laughters that give color even to an albino.
Of kisses that make even "Gone with the wind" seem - maybe that's to far.
Hands touching flowers so softly, they moan in gratitude.
Smells of fresh baked bread coming out of the hot oven, not even the best incense can survive. Oh that smells so good!
Relaxations that turn ecstasy pills into valium.
Eyes that shine brighter then a star.

If my will wasn't so far..I'd say more than: "..."

Unforgettable

I have no regrets, although many sorrows.
But no need for more then one at a time, não é?
In the romance portion of my life, so far, I only have one sorrow:

One summerish night some years ago, I was having the the best time of my life.
A huge celebration was going on, around me and within me.
I was in love, with a girl, with myself, with the night..with life!
Yet I only had one thing in mind - to have fun.
And believe me, I used to be like a pc at the time (one task at a time.lol).
Towards the end, half drunk on whiskey and half drunk on placebo, I walked a friend home, it was late and I was feeling so good, I could defend her from anyone...except myself, of course.
We walked around the block, arrived at her front gate, and left her with a goodbye hug. - Headed on back to the party. Crossed the street, then crossed again (her house, now, being on the opposite corner to my back). When suddenly I heard my name. As look back and see her crossing the street towards me, I start wondering: what have I forgotten?, especially considering I didn't bring anything in the fisrt place...and then it struck me like fireworks on a 4th of July night celebration (no pun intended)...that's what I had forgotten, to make a move! Duh! (told you I was a pc, and I already had a task at hand, lol).
you, yes you!, you made my happiness go so beyond the point it already was!, to where I went floating back to the party...fade...on the way back to my house...fade...for the rest of the weekend...fade out...it was amazing!
I floated until I hit a hard, very hard brick wall.
The experience I had was one sided, how selfish of me! I had not shown gratitude at any point near what she deserved, for what she shared, better yet, what she gave me that night.
I know I'm late, retarded even, as well as I know I will probably never be able to show you how gratifying it was for me. What I can do for now is an homage:

http://www.ziplo.com/unforgettable.htm


Gratefull always.


ps: I am also gratefull for your inspiration, tks FM.

How hard can sharing be?

My girlfreind has been living with me for a month now.
I just gave myself up, caught red handed.
She is living with me, not me living with her, even less us living together.
She is in my house, sleeping on my bed, eating off of my plates, using my towels...
How hard can sharing be?

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my girlfriend!
I have no objections of us being together under the same roof, au contraire.
I support it, desire it, enjoy it very much too!
So why can't I simply say "our" to everything?!
Believe me, I have to focus on these moments, cause "my" comes out very easily.

It's easy to refer to us when put in the future tense: Our kids, with our house, and our lives, etc.
Present tense, I struggle, and it hurts.
Simply because she doesn't share, she gives.
I receive...and keep receiving.
How hard can sharing be?

Of course she's investing.
I'm aware of that, as well as the common hope: To receive more than invested.
and as well as the common theory: The more you invest the more you retrieve.
She needs to start receiving or I 'll pay a steep price.

Truth be told, Of course I know the reason...

How hard can sharing be?
Less than living with fear.
And even lesser than living with regret.

As I'm listening...

...to Ladytron's new album I close my eyes. I'm very sleepy since I woke up so damn early, so I start to fall asleep. Still in the limbo between reality and dream I see your face, smiling beautifully. Of course I should, since you were the one that introduced and inspires me into the alternative world. It's a small detail, one I never shared and never thanked you for it.

Thank you very much!

You...

...have been on my mind for many days, weeks actually.
I miss you, very much infact.
I miss what we had, even what we could have.
I miss how you made me feel, and how you felt.
I miss listening to you, as well as you listening to me.
I miss my best friend, even with out the vice-versa.

You also have been on my mind for weeks, months actually.
I do not miss you, as a matter of fact.
I do not miss what we had, even what we could have.
I do not miss how you made me feel, and how you felt.
I do not miss listening to you, as well as you listening to me.
I do not miss being your friend, even with the vice-versa.

You too have been on my mind for months, years actaully.
I miss the you that should have been, very much infact.
I miss what we could have had, especially what we should have had.
I miss how you made me feel, and especially how I should have felt.
I miss listening to you, especially you listening to me.
I miss paying attention to my elder, and especially the vice-versa.

PS: I love you all, always will.

I'm having...

...esoteric desires,
clouded thoughts,
scrambled ideas,
and odd plans.
All at the same time,
out of order,
with no connections...
Argh!!
Yet there's a soothing feeling behind all this.
I'm certain of every single one of them (desires, thoughts, ideas, plans).
An abstruse certainty.
Abstruse for this moment, as most are...
My virgo patience is most often rewarding.

ab·struse

ab·struse  [ab-stroos]
–adjective
1.
hard to understand; recondite; esoteric: abstruse theories.
2.
Obsolete. secret; hidden.

[Origin: 1590–1600; Latin abstrūsus, past participle of abstrūdere, to hide : abs-, ab-, away; + trūdere, to push; see treud- in Indo-European roots.]

—Related forms
ab·struse·ly, adverb
ab·struse·ness, noun

—Synonyms 1. incomprehensible, unfathomable, arcane.
—Antonyms 1. clear, uncomplicated, simple; obvious.